this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want to make out with him forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
