he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
