Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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