Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
