dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
