You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
