my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
