btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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