I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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