I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
