i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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