when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
