Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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