talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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