I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
