I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
only you would photoshop your dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
