Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
