so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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