Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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