I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
