Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
