I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
