Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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