Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
