hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
