Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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