I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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