Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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