I've blown a few things in my day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
