Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
