He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think your dad took our porno
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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