Pappa wants mamma naked
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
