she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
