I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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