JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
