Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
