we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
