I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize