His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
