What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
