i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
