Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
