she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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