I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
