the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
