Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just cut my nipple shaving
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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