i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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