I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
