It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
