my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
