god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
