You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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