I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
