He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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