we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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