Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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