Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
