I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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