batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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