There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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