forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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