ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
