just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
