Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
