I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
