Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think your dad took our porno
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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