Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
