Plan B is the new Plan A
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
