So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
