actually, I'm a sock model
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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