So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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