Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
