u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This baby is an asshole
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
