why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
