how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
