You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
