I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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