i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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