Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
